Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Randomize
