dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
