clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
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Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
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note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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