he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Randomize
