when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
