I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Randomize
