just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
