I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
