Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
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