I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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