i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
