We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
