why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Randomize
