Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
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