So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
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