I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
