Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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