things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
