I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
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I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
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also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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