Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
