he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
That accounts for only three of the penises
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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