just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
