Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
