I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Porn is love you can see.
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Randomize
