I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Randomize
