I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
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