So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
