You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Randomize
