i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
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So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
bring money and cleavage
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
How naked do you want me to be?
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
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