Will you blow on my dice?
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize
