uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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