some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
