have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
