worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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