i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
