god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
How does it feel to date your dad?
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
