i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
Randomize
