that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
