My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
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