i don't like sucking hair
we're chasing vodka with high fives
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I checked into jail on foursquare
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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