Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Randomize
