Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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