Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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