how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Randomize
