You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I am one with the molecules
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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