I wanna passion pit in your ass
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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