How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
