I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me