She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.