My friends, they love my intelligence
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?