I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
These 25 People Believed Fake Facts For Way Too Long
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
23 Adults Confess The Irrational Fears They Had When They Were Kids
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.