I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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