Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
is wine microwaveable?
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
