I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
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