if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Randomize
