Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Randomize
