Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
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