bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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