I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
is wine microwaveable?
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Randomize
