you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize
