there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
