it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
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He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
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It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
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