He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
