When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Help me help you realize you are a moron
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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