Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize
